The Shadow Junkie is a lifelong ski bum who occasionally sends us guests posts. He’s also sort of a dick.
I’ve worked most ski town jobs, but the worst one was the season I spent as a front desk agent. I’ve never been yelled at so many times for things that weren’t my fault. For instance:
Guest: Where’s the concierge?
Me: I think he stepped away from his desk.
Guest: I need to buy tickets.
Me: The main ticket window is right outside those doors.
Guest: I’m not going outside to get lift tickets. This is unacceptable! Where’s the manager? Huff! Huff! Huff!
Here are just a few of the front desk secrets that you don’t know.
1. We know what you watch on Spankavision
Everyone at the front desk pretends that you rented Shrek 3, but we know not only which movie you watched, but at what time and for how long you watched it. So I know that your kid didn’t “accidentally” order Hot Chicks Doing Hot Chicks because I saw him and your wife leave to go skiing that morning at 11:17 at which point you watched porn for 34 minutes. Interesting side note — the most popular movie rented is Do My Wife.
2. We have a fake front desk voice
It takes years to develop the perfect simpering tone to appease grumpy hotel guests. And it disgusts me to hear it come out of my mouth how interested I am in your vacation when really I would rather be at the bar downing PBRs and chasing the one single girl in town.
3. We hate your questions
There’s something about a ski vacation that turns tourists into gibbering three year olds. I usually don’t know the answer, so I just make up the quickest response to make you go away. Then I go back to Solitaire.
4. We hate your questions even more over the phone
There’s this thing that’s been invented recently. It’s called the Internet. It’s like a front desk person that doesn’t lie to you.
5. We are thinking about something else while you scream at us
I make $7.50/hr which means that I’m qualified to check you in, give you another room key when you lose it, and attempt to answer your million fucking questions. When you yell at me, who you really want is my manager as I can’t do anything to fix your problem. To get there, I first space out about my awesome day on the hill while you vent. Then I give an unsatisfactory answer, at which point you ask for the manager.
6. We understand why you don’t tip us
But we don’t understand is why you tip the shuttle driver, the bellboy, the valet, the waiter, the concierge, the ski instructor, the bartender, and then stiff us, the people who answer the phone at two in the morning so that you can get a personal weather report. From your home in Texas. Two months before your trip.
7. We have all heard the phrase: “This is Unacceptable” more times that you can imagine
It’s played out. It does make me chuckle though.
And one last thing, the guy on the graveyard shift isn’t weird, he’s probably just drunk.
Enjoy your stay!